What’s Red, Juicy, and Loves a Good Buzz?

If you answered “tomatoes grown in a hothouse,” you are no doubt a vibrator-loving gardener. Because I learned recently that tomato plants grown in a hot house need a little help with the self-pollination process, and a quick buzz with a vibrator on a regular basis will do the trick (and as I write this I’m laughing that for once I’m NOT writing a euphemism for female masturbation).

Yup, imagine my surprise, being a new hothouse owner, to discover the secret to my barren tomato plants was living in my bedside table. So friends, I asked my daughter and her friend to snap my picture using the handy Babelight vibrator on my beloved plants–after all it is a keychain, flashlight, and vibrator all rolled into one–why not add plant-masturbator to the list? 

And with that, I file this entry away in the “helpful things you can do with a vibrator.” What else lives in that file? Well, if you’re a nursing mom and you’ve had to endure the pain of a clogged duct, massaging it with a Pocket Rocket can loosen it up and get the milk flowing again. And when I first started selling vibrators for a living, one of our biggest customers was the local children’s hospital, who tucked little vibrators into fussy babies’ cribs at night–the low hum helped them sleep. Now of course you can buy a “crib vibrator” for big bucks. 

If you have made any exciting discoveries along these lines, I’d love to hear them!