Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected (a fantastic book that everyone should read, regardless of how old they are) recently posted a story on her blog from a woman in Alabama who went to two sex toy stores to see how the sex toy ban was affecting them. I’m going to quote at length here because I think it’s fascinating the lengths these stores have to go to just to stay compliant with a ridiculous law. I can’t imagine trying to sell sex toys under these conditions – it must be so frustrating. Additionally, it’s that much more of a burden to someone who has never owned a toy before or who is embarrassed about even being in a sex toy store, to have to sign legal documents or even get kicked out for asking the simple question “what kinds of vibrators do you sell”? Plus, can the store give customers any information about how to use the toys if legally the toys are not to be used for sexual stimulation? It’s sad to think that these stores have to just sell the toy and let people leave.

Although there were some products with labels saying they were for medical use only, most of the products on the racks have a sticker on them that says “SOLD AS A NOVELTY ONLY” followed by smaller print saying not to use it on inflamed tissue, skin eruptions, or unexplained calf pain, and that they are not suggested for penetration of body openings.

I asked if customers would have to sign a waiver if making a purchase, and we do. This is what it says:

“All products which may be subject to the restrictions imposed by code of Alabama sections 13A-12-200.2 and 13A-12-20.3 are displayed at Pleasures for bona fide educational purposes only so that our customers may make informed medical, scientific and educational decisions with respect to the type of products displayed.

“No such product is offered for sale in this store. You may offer to purchase such a product, but by asking to purchase an item you represent and warrant that your purchase and any resulting sale of the product is for a bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative or judicial purpose. In her/his sole discretion, any employee of Pleasures may refuse to accept such an offer to purchase.

“No exceptions will be made to this policy.

(The fourth paragraph is a standard medical disclaimer.)

“Alabama State Law does not prohibit the possession of an adult toy. Nothing sold in this store is prohibited by law.”

Paragraph two of the disclaimer says, in other words, that if a customer comes in asking to buy a sex toy or a dildo, they will be told that the store does not sell sex toys or dildos, and can be asked to leave.

I bought a medical device, a new bullet (mine’s about to wear out) and an educational device, an intriguing looking sleeve for the bullet that has a g-spot attachment that I’ve never seen before, paid my $16.50, and signed the document.

Here is her whole sad story

Oprah Magazine sends frustrated women to Babeland to find a vibrator! In O Magazine’s relationship advice column, a woman writes in inquiring about being bored in bed. She ponders calling an ex for a booty call and then muses that maybe she should try self-satisfaction instead. I’m all for booty calls, provided they don’t get too messy emotionally. But here’s the thing about self-satisfaction: it will never drunk dial you at three in the morning. Unlike your relationship with your ex, your vibrator doesn’t have any baggage.

Cindy Chupack, advice columnist for O Magazine suggests this (on page 2):

As you suspected, Linda, there is one person who can always satisfy your urges: Your Old-Fashioned Self. This is not a last resort; it’s essential. It’s like having your own car—you never have to rely on others to get you where you want to go.

If you need guidance or an upgrade, babeland.com has a simple, no-nonsense “How to Choose a Vibrator” page. And if you got embarrassed reading that just now (it’s okay, I got embarrassed typing it), you owe it to yourself to peruse, choose, and fall in love (guilt-free!) with any product that tickles your fancy. There may be times in a girl’s life when it’s better to be boyless, but there’s no need to be joyless. Or toyless.

Yay Cindy! Thank you for sending people to Babeland. I love our vibrator guides and other shopping advice. When you can’t come into the store yourself to touch the toys and talk to the Sex Educators, then the online toy guides are the next best thing.