Last week, I bemoaned the existence of the g-shot to anyone who would listen: friends, coworkers, my partner, this blog, and even my mom. While it’s well known that I will get on tangents and stay on tangents, you can rest assured that I will not stop spreading the bad news about vaginal collagen injections; but for you, dear readers, I will recommend visiting the Official G-Shot Site or, better yet, reading Margaret Cho’s account of her own g-shot experience. As now, I choose to direct your attention to a more piquant g-spot topic: the rush, the release, and the exquisite pleasure that is female ejaculation.

We’re going to jump forward a few steps and assume you’ve found your g-spot, know how to stimulate it, and (most importantly) you enjoy it. Excellent! Now you’re ready to brave new frontiers: you want to female ejaculate. Or perhaps you are already one of the proud squirters, but you have some questions about what exactly is going on downtown. Fret not, my curious coquettes, for I am here to aid you.

The most-poised question on folks’ lips is “what is female ejaculate?” Or to be more blunt, “is it pee!?”

Female ejaculation (also referred to as “squirting” or “gushing”) is the result of directly or indirectly stimulating the g-spot. As you may be aware, the g-spot is analogous to the prostate (in male-bodied folks); what you’re experiencing is not urine, but a delightful shower of prostatic fluid. To be even more precise, this fluid is comprised of prostate-specific antigen (PSA), prostate-specific acid phosphatase (PSAP or PAP), and fructose, a sugar. While there will be trace elements of urea (female ejaculate does travel through the urethra), what you’re really experiencing is something 99.9% pee-free. You will also notice that female ejaculate doesn’t taste or smell like urine. Some describe the smell as slightly musky or woodsy, and the taste as slightly sweet… definitely two traits that urine does not possess.

Another oft-asked question is, “how much comes out?”

As with nature, the flow of wetness varies in its strength, speed, and force. For some, female ejaculation will manifest as the gentlest tricking stream; for others, they may experience a downwards waterfall-like flow; and some have such a copious and powerful flow that we might dub them “Old Faithful.”* As with strength, amount will depend on the person, age, level of stress, and time of the month: what we’re looking at is anywhere from several drops to almost two cups (15oz). As long as the g-spot is continually aroused, chances are it will keep producing fluid for more than one ejaculation (thus the 2 cup measurement).

*Please bear in mind that not everyone is going to ejaculate like Squirtwoman’s Cytherea.

OK, now that we have an idea of what we’re playing with, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty: you haven’t squirted… and you want to. There are several simple steps that you can take to help you on your way. Tune in later this week for Part II.

Now that taxes are over, it’s time to look forward to that $600 check coming from the Bush administration. I’ve been thinking long and hard about what I want to do with mine. At first, I thought I’d put it all in the bank because the administration wants us to spend it and I don’t want to do anything that the administration wants me to do. But then I thought – it would probably make them even more mad if I gave part of it away to a stellar organization that they would hate (like Medical Students for Choice or Barack Obama) and spend the rest of it on dildos, vibrators and butt plugs! And so that’s just what I’m going to do.

The thing about the stimulus package is that it’s free money. You get a collapsing economy to go with it, but it’s still free money. So why not give some of it away and then buy something nice for yourself? It’s $600 after all. You could buy the Sasi and the Gigi and still have plenty left over. I’m going to call this Half n Half. I’ll donate half of my stimulus package to an organization fighting the religious right and spend the other half on sex toys and other assorted items that will also help defeat the forces of evil. Want to join me? Tell me where you’re giving and spending your stimulus package in the comments.
Dykes to Watch Out For apparently had the same thought I did (at least about buying sex toys), check out this awesome strip on the economy. And read this strip everyday anyway because it’s fantastic.