Shopping Advice 
A Mouthful of Safer Sex
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
Ah, the blowjob: whether an appetizer or the whole dang meal, this age-old art is often practiced sans protection. Known risks for being on the giving end of penis-in-mouth delights include chlamydia, Hep A, gonorrhea, herpes, HPV, and syphilis; possible risks include Hep B and HIV. Unless you and your partner are fluid bonded (i.e. you have both been tested, are free of STDs and STIs, and are free to romp without barriers), it’s always smart to err on the side of caution. This is where one of Babeland’s favorite safer sex tricks comes into play: condoming with your mouth.
This Sunday past, my co-Babe and I were given the fantastic opportunity to teach a class of forty students not only the intricacies of oral delights, but also how to make everything into a sexy, slippery, latex-sheathed package. The starting point, of course, is our good friend: the condom. Take it out of the package by tearing with your fingers (not scissors, nor knives!) and make sure that it’s turned the right way. If a condom is placed on the penis the wrong way ‘round, you’ll definitely want to discard it and break out a new one; there’s a big chance that there will be some pre-ejaculate, and simply turning the same condom around will still expose you to live sperm and possible STIs or STDs.
Got your condom in the right position? Excellent! Here is where your new sexy trick begins: squeeze a small drop of lube into the tip of your condom. This will not only help in decreasing chances of condom breakage, but the touch of moisture will increase sensitivity for the reciever. Now carefully place the condom in your mouth, with the lip either behind or in front of your teeth (it’s personal preference, but both methods work) and gently suck the receptacle tip inwards. (I like to think that I look like a colorful, futuristic lamprey when the condom is positioned like this.)
Helpful hint: If you don’t like the taste of pre-lubricated condoms, try a colorful Trustex un-lubricated or flavored condom, or a Lifestyles Kiss of Mint.
Now it’s time for practice. I highly suggest giving this a handful of goes on something other than a flesh and blood penis before you get down to lips-on-skin action. If you’re not fortunate to have a lovely Vixen dildo (pictured throughout), a banana, carrot, or other phallic object will do the trick just as well. Position the tip of your phallus (or fruit, or vegetable) at the base of the condom and gently work it down using your lips and tongue (but minding the teeth).
Helpful hint: Watch yourself in the mirror, as this will allow you to see what you’re doing… and just how darn sexy you look.
Some of us will be able to take the entire length of a phallus into our mouths without batting an eye; but not everyone is a deep-throat aficionado/a. Don’t feel defeated if your lips aren’t kissing the base, and take this opportunity to toss in a slippery hand job. The mouth-and-hand combination is a tried-and-true crowd pleaser, allowing you to smooth the condom all the way down and eliminate any pesky air bubbles that could lead to condom breakage.
Helpful hint: Try a scrumptious flavored lube, like glycerin- and paraben-free Sliquid Green Apple. I like to think of this as turning a penis or dildo into a delicious springtime popsicle.
Voila! Your lipstick may *ahem* be mussed, but you’ve added a valuable skill to your sexual treasure trove: you’ve put a condom on with your mouth, you safer sex minx, you. Now you should take a moment to pat yourself on the back, then run out to share the good news with the world: impress your friends, astound your lover, make your enemies quiver with envy…
Or, if you’re me, take the time to photo-document everything in order to show off spread your knowledge via a blog.
Happy (safer) sexing!
Spring is in the air! Everyone I know is in a better mood – shrugging off the doldrums of winter and finding tank tops and sandals from wherever they were stashed during the cold months. During these first weeks of sun before the heat gets too intense, I always feel like I have more energy to try something new. I also tend to feel hornier, it’s just the truth. Combining those two means that I usually want to try something new in bed come springtime. If you’re like me, then you might want to check out Babeland’s 
