Shopping Advice 
Sex Dates for Parents
I discovered what all parents do once they have kids: the days of spontaneous sex or the hours of long leisurely lovemaking are gone forever. I filed away those memories in that mental photo album called “pre-baby nostalgia,” and got busy adjusting my attitude, my expectations, and my schedule.
So how do I make time for sex? The same way I make time for dinner, doctors’ appointments and vacations–planning! It might lack the “swept off your feet” quality of spontaneous couplings, but the upside is that the anticipation of a planned night of passion serves to heighten my libido throughout the day.
So, yeah, I have “sex dates.” And let me tell you there are plenty of nights where sex can just feel like one more chore, but inevitably I am glad I keep this a priority. Even though I don’t feel like I’ve caught up on my sleep in 11 years (age of oldest child), and even though I work two jobs (the day job and the parenting job) and am wiped out almost every day, sex can re-energize me. Sexual intimacy is a key part of my self-esteem, so I try to keep it at the top of my to do list!
Here are some tips I put together for my book Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids:
* You and your partner should review your schedules together each week, and choose a time when you can be alone together. If you’re booked solid, you could each agree to cancel an appointment (or alternate weeks).
* Find a good babysitter. I don’t need to tell you how crucial babysitters are to your mental health–everyone needs somebody they can call on when the kids are just too much. Use your baby sitter to cover during your sex dates. If you can get a relative or sitter to take your child out of the house, you’ll enjoy the privacy that much more.
* Plan a night away. My friends once booked my partner and I a room in a hotel down the street from our house and brought my daughter over to breast feed. It was a wonderful idea!
* Free up some time. If you can afford it, look for time-saving solutions: hire a house-cleaner, order take-out food, have your bills paid electronically, get a grocery delivery service. Use the freed up time for sex!
* Plan around your child’s nap. If you’ve got the flexibility, daytime trysts during baby’s naps can be a great time to recharge your sexual batteries (unless you need a nap too!).
* Get your partner to do the work. A few years ago a Glamour survey showed that most moms, when asked what they’d do with an extra hour of the day, said “watch TV or read a book.” Only 10% chose sex, which fell well below “catching up on chores” and “catching up on sleep.” So this says to me that most moms are overloaded, and need more time to relax. So if your partner wants sex, get him or her to chip in more with the housework or childcare so you can have the downtime you need to get in touch with your sexuality.
Enjoyed this post? It’s part of the Sexy Mamas Blog Event happening in May in honor of mother’s day. For more provocative posts on the topic of sex and motherhood, check out:
JanesGuide www.janesguide.com/wpmu/janesays
Always Aroused Girl aagblog.com
Urban Gypsy nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com
Single Mom Seeking www.singlemomseeking.com/blog
Christen Clifford christenclifford.com/blog
Janna Cawrse Esarey seattlemomblogs.com/moms-like-sex-too
Happily Even After blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/HappilyEvenAfter
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