I’ve run across a couple of great things dealing with masculinity recently that I thought I’d share here. One is a video (thanks, Feministing) about gay men in hip-hop that ends with one of the best lines I’ve ever heard about masculinity – I won’t try to get it right here but you can watch the video below. The basic premise, however, is that societal conceptions fo masculinity are not only damaging to women, but they’re damaging to men too. We all suffer from these sexist and misogynist viewpoints.

Exploring that a bit more is a new online anthology, available for free called Beyond Masculinity: Essays by Queer Men on Gender and Politics. It’s a fantastic read, here are some favorite passages:

“I believe that as a culture we are often confused about what it means to be a man or to be a woman. In short, we’re generally unsure what gender means. Growing up as a man in our culture, I think, is about struggling with what it means to be a man: how tough to be, how to relate to women, how to bond with other men, how men are supposed to express emotion — and this list is just a start. Gender, it has long been understood, is a social construction, based on the values we have ascribed to sex. It has been these values that we’ve ascribed to manhood that I’ve constantly wrestled with.”

“Constructing my queerness solely out of either Latin American homosexuality or American gayness presents great obstacles to the type of queerness I want to embody. Like Juan Diego, my options are seemingly limited – Do I choose the gendered homosexuality I grew up with in my family or the individualistic gayness of the country I was born in? Given the overwhelming power of both types of homosexuality to resist challenges to their oppressive elements, I find myself moving within and between both systems to create the queerness I seek.”

“This is the shadow, this is the dark current that runs parallel to gay pride parades and increased gay visibility. No matter how accepting some families may be, no matter how many episodes of Will & Grace get syndicated or how many people put Brokeback Mountain on their Netflix queues, coming out in America is still an act of sacrifice and risk and hope for just about anyone who does it. You’re sacrificing your assumed role in your family and society. You’re risking rejection, even abuse, from those who are supposed to love and care for you the most. You’re hoping you won’t feel like you’re the only one “like you” anymore—you’re hoping to trade passing for an actual sense of belonging.“

In honor of this week’s topic in the Sexy Mama blog event, which is about sexual self-image, I’m giving you a little (really little) history lesson. In my 12 years talking to other moms about sex, one of the things that has become clear is that a woman’s sexual self-image takes a bit of a turn when she has kids. Her previous sexual flamboyance might take a backseat to a more restrained view of her sexuality. It doesn’t help that cultural images of sexy moms are lacking (to say the least)–we’ve got the Virgin Mary (yup, no sex for her) and June Cleaver and Lucy Ricardo (twin beds for them) and Britney Spears (no role model there for young celeb moms).

But any mother embarrassed by or afraid of her sexual nature can look to the myths of ancient cultures for reassurance that her sexuality is not only natural, it is positively divine. Before humankind had any idea of men’s role in procreation, women’s ability to reproduce was viewed as magical, and the world itself was envisioned as the creation of a Great Mother. Early agrarian civilizations linked female reproduction to the earth’s fertility. Even after the connection between semen and pregnancy became clear, goddess worship continued to flourish. The Great Mother was joined by a male consort, often a young god whose life cycle paralleled the annual seasonal cycle; he died when the crops died, and was resurrected through sexual reunion with the goddess, thereby making the land fertile again.

The Venus figurines

Among the oldest examples of ancient civilizations’ reverence for female fertility are the Venus figurines (circa 20,000 BC), small statuettes of women with exaggerated stomachs, butts, breasts, thighs and clearly-delineated vulvas.

Historians debate whether they are fertility symbols, representations of the Great Mother, or Paleolithic porn, but my favorite theory posits them as self-portraits carved by pregnant women, which would explain the enlarged view of the breasts and belly and relative insignificance of the feet or limbs. In other words, maybe these figurines are the Stone Age equivalent of a proud mom-to-be’s Polaroid snapshot!

Inanna

The Sumerian civilization of Mesopotamia was the first to produce written texts (circa 2,300 BC), many of which sing the praises of Inanna, the Queen of Heaven (also known by the name Ishtar), who was goddess of love, procreation, and fertility. Ancient hymns describe how the young Inanna revels in her sexuality: “rejoicing at her wondrous vulva, the young woman applauded herself.” The sacred marriage between Inanna and her lover and consort, the shepherd Dumuzi, is celebrated in explicit, erotic verse.

He shaped my loins with his fair hands,
The shepherd Dumuzi filled my lap with cream and milk,
He stroked my pubic hair,
He watered my womb,
He laid his hand on my holy vulva.
He caressed me on the bed.

Inanna’s priestesses recreated this sacred marriage bed with the reigning king every New Year, thereby revesting the king’s power and ensuring fertility in the land and its people.

Children born of these couplings were considered semi-divine. Would that Sumerian sexual attitudes had survived into the modern-day: sexual intercourse and prostitution were considered sacred acts, masturbation was believed to enhance potency, and anal intercourse was practiced by high priestesses as a means of contraception.

Isis

Isis, the most beloved of Egyptian goddesses, was worshipped in ancient Egypt and throughout the Hellenistic world. Although Pharaohs themselves were considered divine, their power ultimately issued from Isis, a powerful Mother Goddess, who is often depicted with Pharaohs suckling at her breast (see the top image). One of the best-known stories of Isis tells of her marriage to her beloved consort and twin brother Osiris. The two engage in divine incest while still in their mother’s womb (Pharonic succession was based on marriage between brothers and sisters). They fall hopelessly in love, marry, and rule over a great civilization until their jealous brother Seth murders Osiris. Isis seeks far and wide for her husband. In some versions of the story his body has been torn into many pieces, and she is able to find every piece except for his penis.

Undeterred, she fashions a penis from clay, and impregnates herself with it before restoring Osiris to life. The son she conceives is Horus, whose wife Hathor, the cow-goddess, is known as “mistress of the vulva,” ruling fertility, conception, and childbirth.

So, take a page from these ladies and let yourself be the powerful, lucious, and sexy mom you deserve to be!

Find out what other moms have to say on this week’s topic:

JanesGuide www.janesguide.com/wpmu/janesays
Always Aroused Girl aagblog.com
Urban Gypsy nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com
Single Mom Seeking www.singlemomseeking.com/blog
Christen Clifford christenclifford.com/blog
Janna Cawrse Esarey seattlemomblogs.com/moms-like-sex-too
Happily Even After blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/HappilyEvenAfter
Misplaced Mama misplacedmama.blogsome.com
Gentle Woman Talks gentlewomantalks.blogspot.com