Because I am not a biological mother and am Octavia’s other mother, being a mom looks and feels different for me than it does for many other Sexy Mamas. For me, being a good mom is part of being a good partner and being a good partner is part of being a good mom. The two roles are completely interwoven because I would not have one without the other. The roles are dependent upon each other for survival.

At a certain point in my relationship with Crystal, I had the opportunity to choose whether I was going to be a mother or not. I asked myself if this was something I could really do, and if this was something I really wanted to do. Loving Crystal and knowing that I wanted to be with her was not the same as knowing that I wanted to be a mother to Octavia or knowing that I could be a good other to Octavia. When I met Octavia she was 4 years old. The question of changing my role in her life and really becoming a mother to her surfaced when she was about 6. Once I made the decision to be a mom and convinced Crystal that I was serious about it, everything changed for me. Crystal and I made a commitment to each other and consciously chose to take our relationship to another level. Suddenly, my priorities changed, my world view changed, my desires changed, my focus changed and my perceptions of myself changed.

My life was no longer just about working and trying to spend as much time with Crystal as possible. I became concerned about modeling proper behaviors for Octavia, making sure that she had healthy meals when she was with me, and developing a healthy relationship with her. I found specific structured ways to become more involved in her life and to have the greatest positive impact on her. I found out which needs of hers that I could fulfill easily and which would take more work. Spending time together as a family and spending quality time with Octavia took precedence over couple time, alone time, and sex time. My sexuality became something that “had to be” or was “supposed to be” scheduled and expressed quietly behind closed doors after Octavia went to sleep. It was no longer an anytime, anyplace, spontaneous, always ready to go type of sexuality.

This was a difficult adjustment, especially because I was young and just getting used to being really out, open and sexually expressive. I was experimenting with my sexuality and learning to feel comfortable and free in groups, and in public. I was just starting to go out to lesbian clubs and bars. I had a roommate who was expressing her sexual freedom too. Together we were venturing down this road of absolute sexual freedom and it was fun and exciting. We were practically having orgies every weekend. I was just getting used to the idea that I had the freedom to be as lesbian as I wanted to be no matter where I was and who was around. Then, I was suddenly a mother of a 6 year old who is supposed to be able to compartmentalize her feelings and behaviors. I felt like I had to perform on cue within specified time frames. It was hard to do. I didn’t know how to get myself in the mood when I wasn’t because it was never something I had to do before. I didn’t know how to do it when I was tired, irritable, annoyed, or moody. Fortunately, I quickly learned that if I didn’t do it when I had the chance, I might not get to do it at all. My sexuality transformed from something that was free-flowing and could do whatever it wanted into something that was controlled. I had to learn how to control my sexuality and express it in ways that made me feel comfortable and liberated. Now, two years later I think I am finally learning to be sexy, exciting, flirtatious, and a mom all the time. I am really learning to be me whomever that is, no matter what. That is true sexual freedom is it not.

I can go to Folsom with Crystal, get flogged by a FantasyMaker, and still be a good mom.  (See picture)

Nipple clamps. Are you cringing at those words? I know a lot of people do. Nipple clamps can look scary and for people with sensitive nipples, clamping them in any way can seem like an outrageous idea. But, nipple clamps can be a lot of fun.

Like most parts of the body, nipples become more sensitive when blood is near the surface of them. Sucking or pinching can do that but if you want to bring blood there without having to be constantly latched on, nipple clamps are perfect. The little pinch they create brings blood to the nipples and makes them extra sensitive when you remove the clamps.

If you’re a first time buyer or new to nipple clams, get ones that are adjustable like the Tweezer clamps. That way, you can find just the right level of pleasure and/or pain. You’ll also want to think about the size of the clamp relative to the size of your nipples. If you have fairly large nipples, get a larger clamp or you’ll just feel an uncomfortable pinch.

If you want a little bit of extra stimulation, try vibrating nipple clamps. They add a little bit of extra sensation and can even be a little tickly which can feel great.

If you’re trying out nipple clamps for the first time, leave them on only for a couple of minutes, then see how your nipples feel when you remove them. If you feel like you could handle more sensitivity, then leave them on for gradually longer periods of time until you find the level you’re looking for. If you want some extra sensation while you’re wearing the clamps, flick or pull on the clamps.

Check out this great how-to on nipple clamps for more information.