Shopping Advice 
Multitasking Sex Toys
Once upon a time and a long long time ago when the world was new and the wheel had not yet been invented, I reached the age of majority and began purchasing sex toys from companies advertised in the final pages of Cosmo magazine. They were all single-purpose sex toys and in my glee at finding such treasurers I bought one after the next after the next. As time passed I found myself with a vibrator solely for the clit, a dildo with a special curve said to be perfectly positioned for the g-spot and a string of beads effective only in the ass.
And then I discovered that in order to own sex toys one must provide a home for said sex toys. Sliding a half-dozen of them down into the tissue box as I did when I only possessed one was no longer an option. That’s when it dawned on me that in order to be truly useful, sex toys should multitask.
Read on below…
After the watershed moment of that realization I looked upon my purchases with a slightly more discerning eye. If I needed a good g-spot vibe, I wanted it also have impressive clit-buzzing skills as well. A toy for the ass should also be useful in the vagina. A pretty glass dildo too large for anything but pussy-play? Well, maybe that would work as a paperweight. Or a decoration on the mantle. Or maybe a nice garden marker?
Even my lubes fell under the same scrutiny. No longer would my shelves groan under the weight of vaginal lube, flavored oral sex lube and ultra-slippery butt-lube. I sought The One Lube to Rule Them All and by george I found it, a multitasking wonder-elixir that can be used for conditioning vinyl clothing, styling hair and moisturizing skin as well as all kinds of sex. Dude, it even shines the leather couch!
Now that’s impressive.
So when recently I acquired some high-quality black latex gloves, I wondered how I could possibly use them for any other purpose than the one which was foremost in my mind: to wit, fisting. Not that the gloves failed to perform in that capacity. They did, oh they so did. The sight of thin, wet latex pressed so tightly against my hands that not even a single air bubble remained after having been squeezed out by the enormous pressure of my partner’s tight pussy is now permanently etched upon my mind. I will remember it forever, even unto my dotage. If you hitch up your rocking chair next to mine at the rest home fifty years hence, prepare to be regaled with tales of fisting, repeated each day with the regularity of the meds cart.
But one cannot live by fisting alone, and as much as I might like it, fisting doesn’t happen for me every day. The box of shiny gloves sat unused until such a time as I decided to cover over the imperfections in an inherited piece of furniture with black paint, and can I tell you now how wonderfully the gloves performed? They protected my hands so well that just one finger ended up besmirched, and that was only because I snagged the glove on a splinter which ripped into it a wee hole.
Multitasking sex toys for the win!
Now it’s your turn. In what ways have you repurposed your sex toys? Have you allowed a toy advertised for one purpose to seek out some completely unique destiny? Or do you instead prefer to keep your toys for just a single mode of use?
Do tell in the comments below. There’s even an incentive to do so.
——
Between writing a personal blog, editing a repository of sex-ed stories, raising children and reading lots of books, aag enjoys petting her cats. No that is not a euphemism. Well, maybe it is.
August 4th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Your sexiness and wit are wonderful, as always. I wish you wrote for every sex related website in the world…
August 4th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Every toy has alternative uses, and a suprising number of non-toys can be used in fun ways. The local BDSM group occaisonally has themed parties, in fact, of ‘things you buy at the dollar store’ and how to best use them, it’s a blast. :)
August 4th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Hm, there seems to be a problem with approving comments at the moment but NEVER FEAR, they are saved and will appear just as soon as the issue is squared away.
:)
Comment away!
August 4th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I’ve never had to re-purpose a sex toy, I’ve only had one at a time, but I share our problem of trying to find places to stash them. Currently, all of my playtime accessories live in a basket at on a shelf at the foot of my bed. What a shock it was to find it under my bed and my husband tell me that my MIL had been in my bedroom and he had to hide it quickly!
August 5th, 2009 at 3:17 am
well; the pretty leather harness we bought so ? could peg me also works quite well if I wear it to satisy her DP fantasies.
cheers,
sss
August 5th, 2009 at 4:35 am
I have a glass dildo that is pretty but too small for much fun. I’ve placed it in a curio cabinet with other glass items just for looking at. So far no visitors to my home have ever asked what it is!
August 5th, 2009 at 5:00 am
When I switched to predominantly Silicone toys, I ended up with a lot of Silicone lube I couldn’t use. I solved a squeaking hinge with Wet Platinum and have been secretly using it ever since for any number of household chores.
August 5th, 2009 at 5:22 am
Well, thats a good question.
And I think perhaps I’m more unique/abnormal? I’m finding that I could, in general, take or leave vibrations internally – usually they don’t aid in my orgasm. And I’m not yet fond of things in my butt. So my toys are pretty single purpose I guess.
Items that I’ve bought for dual purpose have ended up failing me. Like the We-Vibe. Great for during sex, great for on-the-go solo use. In theory. In reality, neither. So I’d rather have a couple of really good single purpose toys than a bunch of so-so dual purpose.
August 5th, 2009 at 5:50 am
My partner and I have a running joke about using our collection of paddles to serve pizzas. The smallest one is perfect for mini pizza bagels, and the largest, for a slice or two!
August 5th, 2009 at 6:13 am
Good one aag :)
I have never thought of using any of my toys except for the purpose for which they were intended – I can’t really see me using my large glittery ribbed vibe as a dibber for planting seeds or my pink dildo for stirring porridge.
However, as this morning’s post brought me a leather embossed paddle to review, I now have images of me using it as a butter pat…
August 5th, 2009 at 6:35 am
I have some vinyl clothing that needs a good shining!
August 5th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I have a glass dildo that is so large that I can’t possibly accomodate it. I keep it near the door in case I’m robbed. It’s heavy and hard and would stop an intruder dead in his tracks.
August 5th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Thanks for the lube recommendation!
August 5th, 2009 at 8:40 am
I *am* seeing all the comments you’re leaving, folks. They will be approved just as soon as possible, so don’t worry if they’re not showing up here right away.
August 5th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Speaking of cats (nonmetaphorically):
Some no longer used ass beads fould a (brief) new lease on life as kitty toys, dangling from the stairs as part of the cats’ amusement park.
I only got a couple knowing stares and raised eyebrows, but nary a question.
August 5th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
D Says:
Your sexiness and wit are wonderful, as always. I wish you wrote for every sex related website in the world…
August 5th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Such lovely imagery you insert into my mildly fevered brain, aag. :)
August 5th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
I have purchased more sex toys in the last two years than I have in the last 18. So many that they are now housed in a foot locked that is padlock (teenage daughters). But I am always on the look out for bigger and better.
August 5th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
In my case, it’s a reverse re-purpose. My girlfriend gifted me a Hitachi Magic wand last year for my birthday. It has given me all KINDS of fun in bed (and couch, and on the stairs, etc), but I never thought to bring it out when my back was aching…until my boyfriend suggested it! Girlfriend uses to keep my clit happy, boyfriend eases the back aches – win all around!
August 5th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I’ve never really found other uses for my toys and I can’t seem to get rid of ones I don’t really use. So for now I have draws full of uni-usage toys.
August 5th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
haha I’ve never thought to use my sex toys for anything but what they were intended for, save a back massager perhaps…
I can picture myself try to shove them in a tissue box though, since I find it difficult to store them properly.
August 5th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
I love your writing! Thanks for the lube recommendation. :)
August 5th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
My dildo is often used as a sword by my 3 year old son…No matter how many times I take it away and re hide it he manages to seek it out. He seems to always find it when we have company over, so I can make a daring leap at him in an effort to grab it before our anyone notices.
August 6th, 2009 at 1:44 am
aag, you were my inspiration to try fisting! Something that I was very nervous about turned intoo one of the most amazing feelings.
August 6th, 2009 at 4:37 am
i think between it being rough economic times, a general trend towards more conscientious frugality, and, also, lack of storage space, multitasking is definitely important. i know it’s time to upgrade my sex toy, and when i can afford to do so, i definitely want something that does more than just one thing at a time. :D
August 6th, 2009 at 6:25 am
I have many items that have dual purposes but my favorite is the blow up anal plug that i now use to satisfy my lack of fisting.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Re-tasking your sex toys, not only makes good sense, Its Fiscally Responsible…..
August 6th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
I’ve found that my large, pretty glass dildo is wonderful chilled and held up against hot, aching muscles! Ice pack and sex toy all in one.
August 6th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
I have one g-spot vibe that is mui excellente for getting the pesky knots in my back when I’m alone and can’t puppy-dog-eye the BF to do it for me, but my toys mostly get used as toys, we’re more resourceful in using kitchen implements as toys and not the other way around…
August 6th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Kitchen implements as toys?
DO TELL!!!!!!
August 6th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Wow, lots of good ideas here. If I can ever get my current girl to accept the idea of using some toys to make the bedroom more fun, sigh.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Tee hee, this is so cute. And now my favorite sex toy store is multitasking as a vehicle for my favorite sex blogger’s musings! Love it.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
I never thought to use the lube as door de-squeeker! Great idea.
Most of my toys go the other way around: they start as vanilla implements and end up in the bedroom. Spoons, snakebite kit, clothespins, hairbrush, candles etc.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
I often use my hitachi for foot massage. I have the blue silicon dildo attachment as well, which works for both its intended purpose and as a way to massage specific knots in my shoulders
August 6th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
All of mine are single purpose (and even busted, but I haven’t thrown them out). The number has gotten high enough that I started tossing them into a bag all jumbled. However, I think a small bottle of flavored lube leaked a little in the bag and now the sugar ants are attacking! You’ve not lived until you fish a dildo out of a bag for inspection and see two tiny ants crawling over it.
I really should throw them all out. These days I’m fairly loyal to my SaSi (thanks Babeland!) and a re-purposed massager that came as a free gift with a vibrating chair pad.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I really discovered sex toys as a result of repurposing other items. When I was about 10 I was gifted the board game Taboo, which used to come with a really loud buzzer-thing…and for the life of me I can’t remember what the purpose of the thing is in the game. But every time I was home alone the neighbors must have thought I was watching a game show with really hard questions!
August 9th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
i have never thought to use my toys in a different manner than they were intended when i purchased them. LOTS to think about, especially since i’ve recently begun a wishlist of new sex toys.
this will be a wonderful thing to bounce around in my overactive mind while i figure out what to do with them!
as for housing them i use a beautiful Ralph Lauren box (came with the lovely flip flops i ordered), two of them actually. some day i’ll buy something super expensive, but for now my sturdy, uuber expensive RL boxes will work!
August 10th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I remember I used to have a “Squiggle Wiggle Writer” as a kid, which would make the lines of your writing appear as small loops from a motor that rotated at the top. It vibrated gloriously. I think my parents found it once under my bedside table while cleaning, but thankfully never said a word.
As an adult I’ve purchased two non-discript vibrators, and haven’t found any satisfaction in household items. The boy and I experimented with an electric toothbrush, but it kept turning off a few minutes in…and not much else is steady and powerful enough to do the job. Guess we’ll have to keep trying… :)
August 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Also, there’s this: http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/household/
I think my favorite is the buttplug wine stopper. ;)
August 11th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Hmm… only one little smudging you say? How long are those gloves? I might just be interested.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Hee!
Sadly these are only wrist-length, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen opera-length black gloves elsewhere.
August 12th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
My favorite, only because it makes for an interesting story, is the use of my favorite lube to ease the replacement of a radiator hose. It is an interesting situation to be in the parking lot of a car parts store with best friend of opposite gender trying to shove small rubber hose onto *slightly* small metal tube.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
aag wrote:
“Kitchen implements as toys?
DO TELL!!!!!!”
Heh, well, my favorite has been using the silicone pastry brush to butter the…uh…man pastry and other bits. Frankly, the one we have works better as stimulation than for spreading butter on baklava anyhow because the silicone bristles are too large.
August 14th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I don’t have the problem of storing my sex toys, as I don’t have very many. Everything sex-related fits in a fairly small laptop bag. I surely hope this will be changing in the very near future.
But I do have some oddball things that are now in my toy bag. I have two antique glass pestles (i.e. mortar & pestle) that are now insertion devices. lol. And a weird plastic & metal ice-crusher, a couple of wooden spoons, old belts, silk scarves and clothespins too.
I definitely want a pastry brush now though–why have I not thought of this yet?
August 14th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Dude. What in the world do you do with the ice-crusher? Surely it’s not as frightening as what I’m imagining…
:)
August 23rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
you shouldn’t tout a silicone based lube as all-purpose, silicone lube ruins silicone toys.