Shopping Advice 
The Power of Sharing Stories
My friend and I unexpectedly ended up falling pregnant within just a few months of each other. While she planned on staying home with her child, I’d scheduled only an eight-week break before heading back to work. The time was short, so I wanted to work right up until the last possible moment.
That plan was scrapped when three weeks before my due date the doctor insisted that I get off my shockingly swollen feet and rest. Crankily I did so, reading books to distract myself from the upcoming birth and subsequent changes in my calm little life.
Only one thing (beside the incessant kicking of the child jammed into my fully-expanded belly) disturbed those quiet days of reading.
It was the phone ringing constantly with calls from my friend, who by that point had given birth to a handsome yet supremely dissatisfied baby boy. She called every day, sometimes two or three times a day. I’ve never been particularly good on the phone, but having my rest broken then seemed like a real imposition.
All she wanted was to talk about was her newborn. She told me of every echoing burp, every exploded diaper, every wretched crack to appear on her overused nipples. She’d launch into a tale of another sleepless night spent soothing an unhappy boy and all I’d want was to nod off; deliciously, ignorantly certain that I’d be a much better mother and any child born to me would never act so churlish.
Then my baby came shrieking into the world. I could no longer nod off, nor could I lose myself for a happy afternoon in the written exploits of my favorite authors. Suddenly I had a thousand questions to which baby books provided only the most sketchy of answers, if I could even free one hand from child or breast to flip their pages.
Instead I turned to the telephone, which could be dialed then propped between shoulder and ear. Sometimes I called my mother, but mostly I called my friend who had so recently begun dealing with an infant. We certainly didn’t have all the answers or even a tithe of them, but there was something comfortable yet powerful in the sharing of our stories. We might not have been able to fix our babies’ mysterious complaints but it surely felt good to talk.
In time I built up a whole network of friends both on the ‘net and in meat-space who understood what it was like to parent. As time has passed my concerns have shifted from inexplicable diaper contents to more grown-up topics, such as educating my little ones about boundaries, sexuality, gender, safety and respect. I found that discussing these topics in person sometimes brought on more nervous laughter than constructive help, and that as helpless and uneducated as I felt, my friends often felt even more so.
It was for these reasons that I started Beyond the Birds and the Bees, an online resource where people can share their experiences in educating and being educated about sexuality. So far we’ve archived over one hundred posts dealing with all aspects of these topics.
I’ve been moved to tears more than once during editing, including while working on today’s post from eighteen-year-old Sylvi, who is preparing to give her younger cousin the “sex talk“:
I have to talk to her about sex because no one else will.
Not her mother, my Aunt, who believes you shouldn’t discuss those things. Not my mother, who barely even knows how to discuss sex and sexuality with me.
I have to to talk to her about sex so she doesn’t go through what I did in my early teens.
It’s my hope that by discussing successes, fears and inadequacies, reader can become more confident when it falls on them to provide education, and also more at peace about how they themselves were educated.
Contribute a story if you’d like, or just browse through the archives. You’ll find some powerful and thought-provoking writing there.
Don’t forget that I’m offering a little incentive for commenting on my posts here at the Babeland Blog, so why don’t you leave Sylvi some suggestions for future talks with her cousin?
——
Between writing a personal blog, reviewing porn, editing a repository of sex-ed stories, raising children and reading lots of books, aag enjoys petting her cats. No that is not a euphemism. Well, maybe it is.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
the “sex talk” link:
http://beyondbirdsbees.com/2009/08/06/because-no-one-else-will/
leads to a 404 error.
August 6th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Fixed now. Thanks Ryan!
August 6th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I encourage everyone to promote “Beyond the Birds and the Bees” if you can! It’s an amazing project and one that is so necessary.
August 6th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Thanks, LBD!
August 6th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
I completely agree, LBD!
August 6th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
While I don’t have kids of my own yet, I do work with college students on health issues…your site is a fantastic reminder of the diversity of backgrounds my students come from, both in terms of knowledge (or lack thereof) and experience (or lack thereof). Go AAG Go!
August 6th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
This is the part where I become really thankful I have all that nanny experience. I may not know everything about babies, but I sure have a jump start on what most parents get these days (namely, not much.)
August 6th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
I absolutely agree, LBD!
August 6th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
It’s an awesome project. Between that and Scarleteen and a few others I’m glad there is a growing canon of sex resources for/about young people.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
As a person fortunate enough to have a mom who had the sex talk, I feel grateful that I didn’t have to hear it from an outside source, even if it is a sweetly concerned cousin.
August 7th, 2009 at 3:59 am
“Beyond the Birds and the Bees” is such a wonderful site. I tell all my younger friends and co-workers about it because it’ll give them insight into what to do when the their children start to ask and/or do things that might make them uncomfortable. The site will let them know that they aren’t alone and that being honest, with maybe a little humor, will make their lives much easier.
August 7th, 2009 at 6:29 am
Sharing is power indeed. I enjoy the BBB site as well, great site.
August 7th, 2009 at 8:08 am
I’ve had quite a bit of experience with babies, while my husband has not. I’ll have to start building him a support web as soon as we get pregnant!
August 7th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I just read Sylvi’s entry in its entirety; it broke my heart. I left her a comment; not sure how helpful it was, but I hope I was encouraging. She’s brave to have taken on the task and the cousin is lucky to have her.
August 7th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Thanks for sharing why you decided to start Beyond the Birds and Bees and congratulations on reaching over 100 posts in such a short time. Obviously you found a niche where there is a void. You are doing an awesome job with your site and I am sure the stories posted have been helpful to many people. Congrats!
August 7th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I love “Beyond.” It’s often a joy to read, and although I’m fairly young yet, it’s good to start thinking about how I’ll educate my children about sex.
August 9th, 2009 at 12:01 am
I’ll have to check this site out. My own kids are almost-6, and 8, and there are still plenty of pitfalls ahead. :)
August 9th, 2009 at 10:36 am
At first glance, I wish my mother had something like Beyond available to her. I would love to have had an open dialogue with her about sexuality when I was coming of age, learning about things like bisexuality, creating a sexual identity…
August 9th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
while i have no biological children, i do have a three year-old step-son. it seems that i’m the only one in his life willing to talk about sex or anything even remotely sex-related.
openness is key. i love that so many people agree!
August 9th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
What a great resource. It’s really nice to see people with true passion in what they do.
August 10th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Though my mother was more often than not too nervous to talk to me about anything remotely related to sex, I was fortunate enough to have an aunt who taught me about orgasms (she compared them to sneezes), tampons, and sex. She answered all my questions (and I had MANY) with honesty and humor. This experienced helped dispel some of the body shame I learned from my mother. Sylvi, your cousin is very lucky to have you.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Whew. I used to teach sex-ed; if you’re at all shy or um… modest? about sexuality, it makes life that much harder for the kids around you. I don’t know that adopting my attitude (the nothing-surprises-me, everything-is-game-for-respectful-discussion attitude- basically, one step more open than my mom, who is very open but hates FB for its lack of privacy) hurts, but it’s not for everyone.
Sharing helps.