Shopping Advice 
In Praise of the Inverse Correlation
‘Twould be lovely if there were a direct correlation between an item’s price and its usefulness. Think of the time you’d save in picking out…well, anything, really. You’d spend a few moments deciding your maximum budget, then once faced with a range of products, you’d simply point to the one priced closest to that number with no doubt but that it was the absolute best that you could afford.
If I were queen of the world this would be so, but alas I am not. Thus in some cases terribly pricey objects are not particularly functional, such as $14,000 boots (would you use them in the rain?), a bra made from diamonds (would you use it ever?) or a solid gold toilet (they wouldn’t let you use it).
Expensive-yet-useless products can be found in every sector of commerce but at no time is it more annoying to acquire one than when you intend to put it in your holiest of holies. Has anyone (er, at least anyone reading this blog) escaped the trauma of buying an expensive product said to be indescribably pleasurable only to find that it is at best mediocre?
I haven’t. I’ve personally re-homed more once-used sexytime objects than most folks will ever own, which is bearable only because taste in toys is so varied that what I find abhorrent (*cough*The Cone*cough*), others hold to their bosoms (or elsewhere) with the devotion usually reserved for children, chocolate or currency.
But in at least one happy example there’s an inverse instead of a direct correlation between a sex toy’s price and its usefulness. The scandalously inexpensive Blueberry Buzz puts many pricier toys to shame. It has impressed me ten times more than other toys costing ten times as much. It makes a brief appearance in many more than a quorum of my sexual shenanigans. It has doubly proven itself as a meet masturbatory machine and a phenomenal partnered pleasure product. It is, in a word, super-rad.
Ah, the amaranthine usefulness of this unassuming little vibe! A simple knob changes the intensity from a delicate flutter to a robust roar and doubles as a non-slip finger hold. Smooth bloops above the knob give even more gripability; they also mark the point of no return should you dare to use the toy in your behind. A genius designer located the vibrating mechanism appealingly close to the tip, ensuring that as much power as possible would be transferred to flesh. It’s small enough to snuggle between two but large enough to be held by one. It makes me scream.
Now isn’t that better than any expensive yet ridiculous boots, bras or toilets?
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Between writing a personal blog, reviewing porn, editing a repository of sex-ed stories, raising children and reading lots of books, aag enjoys petting her cats. No that is not a euphemism. Well, maybe it is.
August 13th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
I’ve never bought an expensive sex toy that didn’t live up to my expectations. That said, in my life I have bought 2 vibrators (One when I was a young male, one after I transitioned to female), one Nexus/Feeldoe-like dildo (For my wife and I), and 1 harness for the last. Oh, and a purple flogger.
I don’t get to experiement much; we’re a three adult, two child family on one income, so there aren’t really many ‘perks’ to be had, and they tend towards the cheap more than the luxery.
You did, however, give me a direct answer to a need; I recently did get a babeland gift card and didn’t know what to get. Now I do. Buying pricey things is, I find, often easier than sifting through the cruft in the ‘inexpensive’ realms.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
Right on as usual aag. My favorite, most consistent vibrator is a cheap doc johnson that gets me off every time without fail (though unfortunately, it is in at least one case true that you do get what you pay for. Material wise, it’s jelly rubber, so I have to condom-ize it when I use it)
My least favorite toy, despite being the priciest of my (shamefully small) collection, is loud and difficult to focus on the sweet spots and once again has the annoyance of a hard to find button when you most need to step it up a notch.
Ah well, I suppose I should do more ‘in person’ purchasing, so I can at least get a feel for the toy before buying it, which would eliminate some of the misstepping.
August 14th, 2009 at 3:12 am
It’s just so personal, I forked out a lot of money for a funfactory toy and was very disappointed, I sterilized it gave it to a friend and she loves it. The funny thing was that the company I ordered from throw a cheap vibrator in with every order as a freebie. That free vibrator has gotten me off hundreds of times, along with all its matching companions from subsequent orders. But money can also buy the best the njoy pure wand is worth every cent.
August 14th, 2009 at 4:23 am
this is why a five dollar bullet was my first sex toy that i enjoyed. i bought a vibrating dildo first, but it was slightly too sophisticated for me at that time. i needed something smaller and more easy to manage. i was learning and to this day i absolutely love bullets.
i’ve tried expensive ones, cheap ones, skinny ones, fat ones, five dollar ones and twenty dollar ones, but mostly one thing remains the same that first bullet was my favorite sex toy of all time. and it will always be my favorite because mostly you just can’t go wrong, in my eyes, with a bullet. no matter how much dough ya spend.
August 14th, 2009 at 7:37 am
My favorite vibrator is the seventh one that I’ve had of the same model. Other styles and types have been purchased in an attempt to replicate its sensations. Ironically, its cheap price has gotten cheaper, but the constuction is just as poor as ever. It must be treated carefully so the wiring does not break. Sadly, there simply is no substitue.
August 14th, 2009 at 8:41 am
I bought an rabbit habit a while back and HATED it… spent what 80.00 on something that sat in my drawer forever. Finally a girlfriend mentioned that when she came to town she needed to hit the toy store and said that her rabbit had died. We cleaned it well and she has been enjoying it since. I have found very few toys now that I am willing to spend the money on.
August 14th, 2009 at 8:50 am
I agree on this vibe, it is awesome and was extremely cheap. Also it is durable, which is helpful if one uses it all the time.
August 14th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Thanks for the cheap but great vibrator tip. I like bullet vibes, and they are similarly inexpensive.
August 14th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Wish I could say that I had not been disappointed more than once with expensive items like that.
It helps to buy from reputable places with a return policy, or even better a store that has models to try out!
August 14th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
A few years ago, I had the joy of giving my niece her first vibrator as a gift. And this was it. She has thanked me many times since
August 14th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I will forever regret my purchase of the $70 Rabbit Habit. Utter rubbish. However, the Hitachi, at a modest $42, is my go-to vibrator for those times when I only have 30 seconds, yet also provides hours of pleasure should I have the time to indulge.
Likewise, the Iris is pretty but doesn’t do much for me, whereas the $18 Grapevine vibe taught me how to REALLY orgasm.
August 15th, 2009 at 7:14 am
Good to know and it looks pretty, too!
August 15th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Aww… I like the Cone! Do I like the much less expensive Hitachi Magic Wand 100 times better? Well… yes… but I still like the Cone… or both together. I looked at the Babeland stats and for $20, an intensity of 4 sounds awesome! I kinda wish Babeland would offer a way to rank toys by intensity or by sound. Their website does an awesome job of offering information on toy materials, benefits of batteries vs. rechargeables, intended spot to stimulate, etc.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:25 am
p.s. Maybe another article on cheap, but at least good, sex toys will come of this? With the economy being depressed and all, single folks definitely need a cheap, safe way to have fun.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:37 am
mb–I do love the Hitachi. Love LOVE LOVE!
August 16th, 2009 at 9:23 am
i agree that some of the more expensive sex toys are not all that useful or fun. i never considered buying her the cone because it was so … out there that i could not figure how she might make use of it.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
I too love the Blueberry Buzz and have recommended it to, and bought it for, many friends. I must say that I love the cone too though. It doesn’t get as much use as my Blueberry Buzz (or my We Vibe for that matter) as it is for very particular uses. But the Cone is my go to toy when I am kneeling on the floor giving a BJ to someone lying/ sitting on the bed or when I’m not in the mood for penetration and just like the external rubbing. But I own both and like both. It is funny what some people LOVE others despise. I’m glad to be able to live near a Babeland and touch all the toys before I decide to buy one.
August 16th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
My Blueberry Buzz is my FAVORITE toy! I was so excited to see you write about it! It was the first sex toy I ever bought in person, which I highly encourage. The staff at Babeland put me at ease right away and helped me make the decision to buy what I liked instead of feeling pressured to spend a lot of money.
I’ve turned on several friends to the Blueberry as well – at twenty bucks it’s a total steal. In fact, that and my Nubby G (also very inexpensive at $25 USD) are all I currently have in the way of vibrators – not that I wouldn’t like to try some of the more expensive toys, but us artist types have to watch our budgets.
Getting off is a right, not a privilege. You shouldn’t have to pay a lot of money to do it well! There are plenty of inexpensive options out there that will do the trick quite nicely.
August 16th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Looks like a great toy!
It is always nice when you can find something inexpensive that gives you so much pleasure!
August 17th, 2009 at 7:22 am
I’m up for the challenge if you are! Leave a comment below if you’re interested and I’ll touch base with you after I return from my diving adventures. Have a great week!
August 17th, 2009 at 11:20 am
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August 18th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Ah. I love the Hitachi – LOVE LOVE LOVE the hitachi – but I struggle to find comfortable ways of using it while having sex with my partner. Any suggestions? Or maybe I just need to try something smaller like the Blueberry Buzz…