I discovered what all parents do once they have kids: the days of spontaneous sex or the hours of long leisurely lovemaking are gone forever. I filed away those memories in that mental photo album called “pre-baby nostalgia,” and got busy adjusting my attitude, my expectations, and my schedule.

So how do I make time for sex? The same way I make time for dinner, doctors’ appointments and vacations–planning! It might lack the “swept off your feet” quality of spontaneous couplings, but the upside is that the anticipation of a planned night of passion serves to heighten my libido throughout the day.

So, yeah, I have “sex dates.” And let me tell you there are plenty of nights where sex can just feel like one more chore, but inevitably I am glad I keep this a priority. Even though I don’t feel like I’ve caught up on my sleep in 11 years (age of oldest child), and even though I work two jobs (the day job and the parenting job) and am wiped out almost every day, sex can re-energize me. Sexual intimacy is a key part of my self-esteem, so I try to keep it at the top of my to do list!

Here are some tips I put together for my book Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids:
* You and your partner should review your schedules together each week, and choose a time when you can be alone together. If you’re booked solid, you could each agree to cancel an appointment (or alternate weeks).

* Find a good babysitter. I don’t need to tell you how crucial babysitters are to your mental health–everyone needs somebody they can call on when the kids are just too much. Use your baby sitter to cover during your sex dates. If you can get a relative or sitter to take your child out of the house, you’ll enjoy the privacy that much more.

* Plan a night away. My friends once booked my partner and I a room in a hotel down the street from our house and brought my daughter over to breast feed. It was a wonderful idea!

* Free up some time. If you can afford it, look for time-saving solutions: hire a house-cleaner, order take-out food, have your bills paid electronically, get a grocery delivery service. Use the freed up time for sex!

* Plan around your child’s nap. If you’ve got the flexibility, daytime trysts during baby’s naps can be a great time to recharge your sexual batteries (unless you need a nap too!).

* Get your partner to do the work. A few years ago a Glamour survey showed that most moms, when asked what they’d do with an extra hour of the day, said “watch TV or read a book.” Only 10% chose sex, which fell well below “catching up on chores” and “catching up on sleep.” So this says to me that most moms are overloaded, and need more time to relax. So if your partner wants sex, get him or her to chip in more with the housework or childcare so you can have the downtime you need to get in touch with your sexuality.

Enjoyed this post? It’s part of the Sexy Mamas Blog Event happening in May in honor of mother’s day. For more provocative posts on the topic of sex and motherhood, check out:

JanesGuide www.janesguide.com/wpmu/janesays
Always Aroused Girl aagblog.com
Urban Gypsy nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com
Single Mom Seeking www.singlemomseeking.com/blog
Christen Clifford christenclifford.com/blog
Janna Cawrse Esarey seattlemomblogs.com/moms-like-sex-too
Happily Even After blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/HappilyEvenAfter

A lot of mothers shop at Babeland. I mean a lot. Sometimes I know because they talk about hiding their toys from their children or taking batteries out of toys to use in vibrators (love it!) and then putting them back. And sometimes they bring their tykes in the store! Not only do the little ones love the toys (the Duckie, in particular) but it helps to normalize sex and pleasure starting at a very young age. Granted, we don’t get many parents bringing their 10 year olds in, but we get a lot of babies and a few teenagers. If my mom had brought me to Babeland for my first vibrator, my adolescence would have been a much better time in my life.

Mother’s day is May 14th and in recognition, the Seattle Babeland is having a Sexy Mama’s Night Out event. A panel of sexy moms are going to discuss everything from desire, to body image to time management and sex. It should be an awesome night.

Working Dad at the Seattle PI seems to agree with me. He’s looking for a topic to write about for Mothers Day and I have to agree with his musing that this would make one fantastic article. What can be more important on Mother’s Day than to make sure mothers are feeling great and having pleasure?

Spring is in the air! Everyone I know is in a better mood - shrugging off the doldrums of winter and finding tank tops and sandals from wherever they were stashed during the cold months. During these first weeks of sun before the heat gets too intense, I always feel like I have more energy to try something new. I also tend to feel hornier, it’s just the truth. Combining those two means that I usually want to try something new in bed come springtime. If you’re like me, then you might want to check out Babeland’s workshops in May - they’re going to be fantastic and could be just the thing to start something new and exciting:

New York:

May brings our first ever workshop on Urban Tantra with author Barbara Carrellas. This sacred sexuality class will help you have full bodied, connective orgasms and is sure to take your sex life to a whole new level. May 4th, Soho store

Have a friend who is getting married? Have four? If you’re the one planning all the parties or if the lucky maid of honor is asking you for advice, come check out a preview of the Babeland bachelorette experience - there’s nothing like sex toys to spice up the party.

On May 18th, we present the ever popular, ever classic, How To Please Your Man. From hand tricks to blow jobs to anal play, this workshop covers everything.

Seattle:

May is Sexy Mama month and our Seattle store is having an event just for you! A panel of savvy mom’s will cover all sorts of topics relating to sexuality and motherhood. (May 4, 7:30pm)

Want to improve your oral sex skills? Attend the oral sex class on on May 18th and learn tips and tricks to blow her mind. You’ll learn how to do things with your fingers, tongue and toys that she won’t believe.